A month ago I was at what I saw as 'rock bottom'. I was unhappy and quite more frightenedly, stagnant. I was not where I wanted to be nor did i no longer feel inclined to get there. I did not only feel defeat, i WAS defeated. At my own hands. For what I failed to grasp was I had become comfortable in my defeat. And thus started my downward spiral. I thought I had done all i could, was all i could be. You cannot progress if you have not realised there is more you can achieve. There is not mountain to climb if you don't believe in its existence. No self to better when there is no better. When you're in these places, when I was in this place, without changing your mind, the way your mind works, the way you think, the same experiences will perpetuate themselves again and again in your lifetime. Your mind is the powerhouse of your own light. But a lot of people are afraid of change, of this power of hunger within them because it is a fire and it will sweep through and demolish everything old in your life. I was afraid of losing what felt comfortable. You need to step into fear. The beauty of change, the beauty of genuine, true change, is it cannot be reversed. The free man can no longer be oppressed.
No one wants to throw their life into chaos. but what is the alternative? Putting out your own light, denying its very existence? You do this and you're merely sustaining a house that is already rotten.

I had failed. I had let myself down. The amount of times I've fucked up colossally is almost laughable. I had to remind myself though that all that grows wilts at some point. You cannot grow that which you do not nurture and you can't always succeed but what you practice will always improve.
It's almost like a philosophy for me now. I've committed to a certain kind of living, one where infinite possibilities exist in tomorrow, all of them a chance to nurture my light. I hold the unshakable belief in the power of the individual, i hold the unshakable believe in the power of me.
I stepped into fear. In fact I dove straight into the deep end and I swam instead of letting the waves take me down struggling. There have been moments of doubt, moments of uncertainty, moments of fear, inevitable insecurities that will rise to the surface. But true change cannot be reversed.
This is your life and it is made up entirely of your choices. You have a choice. Don't relinquish it by denying it's existence.