While we are here our responsibility is to know who we are and what this life is all about. What is your purpose? What sparks set your soul on fire and leaves a fiery blaze of passion in its wake? What life must you live so that every gesture, every movement, becomes sheer joy?
The meaning of life is so simple, so obvious. And yet we mindlessly search for it. We search outside our home, outside our body, outside our mind, as if the answer wasn't within. As if it was necessary to achieve something greater than ourselves. As if it wasn't so simple as making your bones the only home you need. As if we need more than ourselves, more than to simply discover ourselves. More than to breathe in the universe and fill my lungs with all its humble offerings. My purpose is an infinite path of self discovery. An infinite path of wide-eyed wonder, forever curious of the world and it's passions and myself and mine.
This is my purpose. To live a life as totally as possible where I welcome and accept all that is within me and the world, as it is. To find my eternity in each moment. To live as mindfully and with as much awareness as possible. Awareness is a transforming force. It doesn't bring anything new into the world. It simply makes you aware of the world as it is. Happy with the world as it is. When we are miserable, when are negative, we are often out of touch with the world and ourselves. With the reality of the moment. We forget the conditions for our happiness are already sufficient. All we need to do is be in the present moment and we can touch them. Happiness is wherever I am, as long as I am free. And I am free as long as I am aware. For when you are aware and you feel doubt, anxiety, negativity, you have the power to work with these feelings, to exhale them from your mind and body purposefully. When you are unaware and you feel doubt, anxiety, negativity, you work against these feelings without knowing WHY they are felt or WHY they are there and often end up inhaling that further which you seek to rid yourself of. You become doubtful of your doubt, anxious about your anxiety, negative towards your negativity. Being unaware creates a double-edged sword of sorts. You encourage that which you do not want, not understanding what it is you do want. When you are aware all that is bad dissolves in your life and all that is good blossoms. When you are aware you find out what is right and what is wrong for you. When you are aware you know you are strong but could be stronger. With awareness you live as purposefully as you can. You accept the reality of this moment and do with it what you can but do not wait for the next. You are unconcerned with anything but the present moment. You allow yourself to feel and be connected with the present moment. This is what it means to live as totally as possible. When you are aware your life has the ability to be what you make of it. A successful life is not found in its number of winnings. A successful life is found in the desire, in the purity of your determination, and intensity and passion that you put into your one life, into your one being.
While you are here it is your responsibility to know who you are and what this life is about. Ask yourself these questions and have the courage to build your life around the answer.Whatever you must do, do it with awareness and welcome all that deepens your awareness, into your life.

A month ago I was at what I saw as 'rock bottom'. I was unhappy and quite more frightenedly, stagnant. I was not where I wanted to be nor did i no longer feel inclined to get there. I did not only feel defeat, i WAS defeated. At my own hands. For what I failed to grasp was I had become comfortable in my defeat. And thus started my downward spiral. I thought I had done all i could, was all i could be. You cannot progress if you have not realised there is more you can achieve. There is not mountain to climb if you don't believe in its existence. No self to better when there is no better. When you're in these places, when I was in this place, without changing your mind, the way your mind works, the way you think, the same experiences will perpetuate themselves again and again in your lifetime. Your mind is the powerhouse of your own light. But a lot of people are afraid of change, of this power of hunger within them because it is a fire and it will sweep through and demolish everything old in your life. I was afraid of losing what felt comfortable. You need to step into fear. The beauty of change, the beauty of genuine, true change, is it cannot be reversed. The free man can no longer be oppressed.
No one wants to throw their life into chaos. but what is the alternative? Putting out your own light, denying its very existence? You do this and you're merely sustaining a house that is already rotten.

I had failed. I had let myself down. The amount of times I've fucked up colossally is almost laughable. I had to remind myself though that all that grows wilts at some point. You cannot grow that which you do not nurture and you can't always succeed but what you practice will always improve.
It's almost like a philosophy for me now. I've committed to a certain kind of living, one where infinite possibilities exist in tomorrow, all of them a chance to nurture my light. I hold the unshakable belief in the power of the individual, i hold the unshakable believe in the power of me.
I stepped into fear. In fact I dove straight into the deep end and I swam instead of letting the waves take me down struggling. There have been moments of doubt, moments of uncertainty, moments of fear, inevitable insecurities that will rise to the surface. But true change cannot be reversed.
This is your life and it is made up entirely of your choices. You have a choice. Don't relinquish it by denying it's existence.

How you choose to focus your attention and direct your external flow of energy is your power and you must believe that within you lies the extraordinary power of success. The largest difficulty lays in eliminating this chasm that lays between an idea, your idea, and it's execution. Underlying this greatness is the ability to be awake and present to the moment. Once we identify this quality of self-awareness in ourselves, we can harness our brains capabilities and ultimately have the key to self-mastery in every aspect of our lives. Be aware of what motivates you, naturally. Then become the owner of your motivation. You have to break this barrier between what you think and what you CHOOSE to think. Rule your mind or it will rule you - we are too careless with our thoughts, neglecting to understand that once a seed has taken root, it grows in size. This is key to understanding our mind, our actions, our thoughts and patterns. What we feed, what we nurture- the thoughts we ruminate over most- are what grows within us. Many paths to success cannot be taught. They involve processes of self-discovery and the utilisation of the mind, the curation of your attitude. CHOOSE to be tenacious in your pursuit for success and the results occur naturally. The body is but a puppet of the mind. Too many people give in to complacency. They're content with a detached sense of being, with the natural workings of their mind, with allowing life to wash over them like the ebb and flow of a tide. However, they'll never know, realise or recognise their true potential. They'll never unleash the power of their mind and as of consequence their body. Boundaries are self-imposed limitations and the largest one we unknowingly place in front of ourselves is the belief that we have reached our peak. Or that we even have one. My peak does not exist. I can always do better, always be better, faster, stronger, smarter, wiser. My life is a series of, a lineage of, success. I am a work of nature, a product of evolutionary change and I am limitless in what I may achieve. I hold the unshakable conviction that personal fulfilment comes with a dedication to the constant pursuit of mastering and bettering myself. I am unlimited in my goals and happiness is always where I am with the understanding that 'I have arrived' - for success has no limits. The conditions for my happiness and success are already sufficient - so long as I continue to grow as a being, as I continue to honour my beliefs and practice living mindfully, they fall into place naturally. We only need to allow ourselves to be in the present moment and we can touch them. We only need to allow ourselves to be in the present moment and we can unleash a world of possibilities.

I'm able to look at the world with clear hindsight,20, 20 vision, able to dissect and understand. Yet whenever I tried to look within, it was almost through a rose-coloured glass, stained by my emotions. So I shut my eyes.

We call ignorance a lack of understanding of our objective world, our history, our galaxies, our tragedies. I don't think people accept the fact that life doesn't make sense. I think it makes them terribly uncomfortable. So we seek knowledge for knowledge is power and we're able to temporarily make sense of that which we'll never fully understand. And we live with it and the world is seemingly at our feet.

I agree that knowledge is power and a lack of understanding of my world, my external world, is an unintentional show of ignorance. But I think it's a greater misfortune that we reject any desire to understand ourselves. To me, this reveals more ignorance. It is my theory that people are afraid of themselves, of their own mind, their feelings most of all. Why is it we are not all successful? Surely, we all have goals, even if they're of varying nature. It's because success is an attitude. Ambition and motivation are attitudes. And what I think many people fail to realise, is that in life your brain is your most powerful weapon in your arsenal. I don't believe we are 'fixed', 'unchangeable' creatures, and neither does science. I don't believe in 'superior' healthy brains. People are as real as one another, minds are alive as one another and they have equal value. The difference then, is that a 'successful' mind harnesses its brains powers to adapt. Change your brain, change your life. Our brains are plastic, neuroplasticity by definition tells us this much. I am plastic. I am not soft clay and I refuse to be Moulded. Change your brain, change your life. Re-imagine change and never stop evolving. Every thought you produce, every action you commit bears your signature and creates a mark on your brain, leaving a ripple effect. There's a reason action becomes habit. The more you commit to a behaviour, the stronger the synaptic connections between neurons in your brain devoted to this action become. Within time, the neurons in the circuit will proliferate their dendrites and extend their axons, interconnecting more distant neurons into a rich neural network. What you think is literally how you act. What you think is what you become. We can use our brains to re-wire our thinking and from there, the possibilities are endless. Take advantage of not only the world around you but your world within.

Most bloggers write how they've always had an affinity for writing. How there's always been a special ease with which they've put pen to paper. My story's a bit different; up until the age of eight I could barley read Spot, let alone read anything I wrote. It's a miracle I managed to write at all seeing as, ultimately, I had no idea what it was I was writing. 1 year of remedial reading classes (I KNOW right) and flash forward 12 years later and not a day goes by where I don't pick up a novel of some kind, ranging from Murakami to Tolstoy on the literary spectrum. And, If you asked, I'd say there was a special ease with which I put pen to paper..

I was never the child with her nose buried in a book, I was a tree-climbing, basketball -playing tomboy, hands buried in mud (which is a stark contrast to present me, believe me). I was the child who HAD to try everything- from trumpet to debating to gymnastics- and found no passion in any of these. Everything seemed to interest me, but nothing held my attention.
Writing was the one exception. Maybe the shame of having to attend remedial classes (I was eight people) was the extra motivation I required to reach above and beyond what felt natural to me. It was with this I learnt (if you continue to read my future posts, If you this imaginary reader I'm directing this to even exists, you'll find I make a lot of affirmations about life) that a sunflower will not reach its full potential without the proper nurturing and neither will I. Hard work beats talents when talent fails to work hard (thank you, Mr Durant). Perhaps this ability to write always lay there, buried deep beneath long, convoluted sentences and shocking attempts at poetry. Perhaps,the potential was there from birth. Perhaps it was something I needed to act upon for it to be realised. I've always believed in 'stepping into your greatness'- relinquishing this idea of a pre-determined destiny and creating your own.
Either way writing, it makes me feel alive, makes me feel glad to be alive. One of the closest quotes to me right now is - "At all costs remain faithful to the process of rediscovering your own divinity" (Blaise Seavullo). And may I honour the divinity that resides within me. This may be a dream a tad outside my teach, but that is the goal of this blog. To pass on this feeling, to create something worthwhile and to reach my potential. However, like many other university students with never-ending deadlines, I'm generally one to succumb to the temptation of procrastination. I've put this off for the longest of times, for the weakest of reasons. But here I am, and what better time to start than right now.
Oh and the meaning behind my name, tiny-contradictions? What part of you hasn't felt like a bundle of contradictions at times? What part of life hasn't felt like a series of tiny contradictions?

Think about it.
-N

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Transforming forces

Embracing chaos

Rule your mind or it will rule you ..

Successful thinking.

Custodian

The beginning